So, I’m 5 weeks away from being done with core clerkship, and I can’t decide if this year was the longest or the shortest of my life.
Honestly, I think it might have been both.
Because don’t get me wrong, this year has been long. Last week I was at the hospital for 85 hours. I worked a 27 hour day. Clerkship is about getting up early and going to bed late, and fitting studying in there somewhere.
But this year has also flown by, and I think it might be because of how I’ve measuring time.
This year, I’ve been measuring time in terms of my next exam. I’m 9 days from my EM exam. I’m 5 weeks from my last NBME.
This, naturally, is a terrible way to measure time.
Because an exam is always too fast approaching. EM snuck up on us, because it’s an exam for a longitudinal rotation (and stuck in the middle of another massive rotation and it’s exam!) but even the scheduled ones are always just somehow on the verge of happening.
It probably doesn’t help that it’s officially summer now – not that the weather in NL feels like it – and everyone is on their break. Nothing like staring longingly at the clock on a beautiful summer day to teach you a lesson about relativity.
Honestly though, I don’t know how to counteract this way of thinking. As humans, we instinctively seek meaning in the way we quantify time. I’ll always be some amount of time away from something that I’m either anticipating or dreading; or both, like say, CARMS and the match and omg that’s 9 months away HOW?!
But honestly, perhaps that’s alright, so long as I don’t let the meaning of those moments and days and hours get swept away in the relentless pursuit forwards.
I was given my daily chuckle today when I wandered into a learning room to kill some time today. A few weeks ago I’d walked into a learning room and found that someone had wrote “The days are long…But the years are short.” And, although I suppose I do agree with that sentiment to an extent, I was also on hour 15 of my 27 hour shift, and so I – with some flexible degree of sincerity – …amended their sentiment.
Today, I walked into that same learning room, weeks later, and found that not only was the message still up, but that someone had…approved of my amendment.
Misery loves company, and all that 😉