So, as if our last exam I’m officially 3 for 3 on failing exams – 1 failed exam in each of the three phases.
Now, the rewrite was the past Thursday, and I passed that, so school wise I’m good, but I did sort of want to post on it – and given that our last exam is in 4 days – I haven’t had much down time to do it, so now it is. Failing in med school, or at least my med school, is a strange thing now. It’s not the soul crushing anxiety it would have been in undergrad, more of an annoyance than a tragedy. But, it is too sucky in a way, because exams in med school are by their nature, soul sucking. You put all this time into studying; you stop doing activities, you just study and put as much into as you can and afterwards you crash like a zombie, you’re just so empty.
To fail, after that, makes that seem worthless, and that can be a real drag. Failing means spending more days in that hyper studying state – days like, for this exam, can be very close to the next exam, taking away some of that very needed down time. I had my rewrite Thursday, took Thursday night for myself – went and watched Civil War and yeah, #TeamCap, but mostly because they didn’t really let Tony’s side represent the interesting moral question but the obvious one…digressing, excellent movie, go see it! – and then started studying for this exam the next day.
And yeah, I can’t say I didn’t see the fail coming; I was so burnt out studying I wasn’t meeting my studying goals, the material was tough to fit in, there was a ton of it, and it was a bad exam, which never helps. Failure never really sets well on anyone, and I was a bit annoyed at myself for it, but I didn’t tear myself up about it, which I think really is some personal growth. I took a moment to wallow, then let that moment pass, and got to studying and passed the exam, and I think that’s a really valuable lesson not just for my medical school future, but for life, and my future practice.
When something happens, take the moment, and then let the moment go and move forward.
Also, it just so happens to be my birthday, and for all that I’ve got an exam in 4 days, I’m going to take my own advice on this as well. It’s a beautiful day, and you only get one birthday a year, so I’m going to take a moment for that – have a little cake, make a scrub cap from the gorgeous new fabric I ordered – and then let it pass and get to the studying.