Sigh…and then they pull me back in

Sigh…so failed that last exam 😦

Can’t say I didn’t have a feeling it might end up that way – there were a bunch of questions that I felt really 50/50 on, and after talking to my classmates I kind of felt I’d edged the wrong way on a few of them.  That, and I’d felt a bit weird studying that week – I think it was the meds, because apparently after the first week they can hit you harder and my head was really…loud and fuzzy is the best way I can think to describe it.  My emotions were really all over the place, and my hand was shaking sometimes, and when I’d take a walk to try and clear my head even that wouldn’t help.  It’s been much better this week – my head is back to being more clear, which I’m really grateful for, because damn Europe would have been a real trip if I’d been like that!!

Also I kind of had a…motivation deficit, which while it didn’t mean I didn’t study, it did mean I certainly didn’t give 110%.  Failing is always a mix of things, but I’ll definitely take responsibility for it as well.  I didn’t have time to do my re-review of material that I like to do, and I think combined with everything else that probably pushed me over into fail town.

But honestly, I’m not bummed about failing beyond the fact that it means that I won’t really be done until Friday morning.  We’ve all gotten to the point where we realize that failing isn’t the end of the world, and we don’t feel any shame over it.  We all do it, we’ve all done it and there’s a good chance we’ll do it again, and trust me, when you compare that mindset to how terrified we all are of B grades – never mind failing! – in pre-med, I think that’s probably a healthy mindset to be in.  Rewrites are 70% the same exam, so tomorrow I’m going to go in and look at the questions I got wrong, do some more review on a few lectures I knew needed a bit more time the first round (freaking vascular disease) and then go in and crush it Friday morning and be officially 100% really done! 🙂

And, continuing on a more positive note, it’s Canada Day here, and I’ve taken the holiday time to move into my new apartment fully, which looks really good! A friend helped me move in Monday – and I owe her a million thank you’s and also churros when we meet up in Toronto in August 😉 – but I hadn’t actually got everything “unmoved” in until today.  I love having my own space – my own living room and kitchen and bathroom.  It seems like such a little thing, but this is my first place I’ve ever had that to myself, and it’s really a cool feeling that I don’t know how to describe.

Grown-up, maybe, which is probably stupid, but that’s how I feel 😉

But yeah, just to indicate how not grown-up I am, my excitement for tonight included dinner with a friend (if you ever find yourself in St. John’s, stop at The Duke of Duckworth for onion rings and fish and chips because they are like OMG), where we then took a walk and got massively – like seriously, we literally walked around the whole freaking city, once in the absolute opposite direction – lost trying to find an ice cream place that is painted entirely like a cow.

Cause we’re grown-ups 😉

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Meh, what am I saying?

You can’t outgrow ice cream 😉

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Good luck on your rewrite! You seem to have handled it maturely and know where you made mistakes in studying so I’m sure this time you will be more than ready and will do much better!

  2. starrynightbrewing says:

    Don’t give up! Med school is about picking yourself up every time you fail (believe me I’ve had my share) and someone once told me: med school is a marathon and not a 10k race.

    1. dellaliz19 says:

      Oh yeah, trust me I know that! We’ve all become better acquainted to the idea that just because you fail doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a result of med school, I’ll say that! And yes, definitely a marathon! Thanks for dropping by and commenting 🙂

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