I’m alive!!!

So yeah, apologies for the period of radio silence there.  I needed a little time to clear my head and sort out my wellness issues, and then an exam crept up and sucked out my time and my soul (as they do).

But yeah, I’m feeling a bit better than I was before, which is nice 🙂 I’ve made myself look at my daily life, and actually make some changes, like spending less time in my room, doing things like playing video games and reading again that actually make me happy, and getting out there with my friends and classmates.  A week ago morning class was cancelled and I found myself doing brunch with classmates instead, and I finally went out to trivia night with my class (and totally killed it and won, FYI 😉 ).  Exams remain a soul killing experience, but at least now I have some breathing exercises for my anxiety that seem to help.

Additionally, on the exam front, we received a bit of a reprieve today. The class a year above us wrote the Dean a really well thought out letter addressing our pass mark, which was raised 10% when they started, and our pass rate, which has not raised the same way, which hit on some really good points and brought the issue of our grading scheme to the right people.  So today we received notification that now instead of a hard cut-off they are going to grade us on some kid of curve (we’re calling it, for ease of labeling “magic grades”) that will lower our fail rates, which is a really nice thing.  I’m pretty sure that the new curve is a contributing factor in why I passed said exam I mentioned earlier, and so I certainly can’t complain about it.  Honestly, I’m mostly just impressed at the speed and response from the faculty; so often it feels like our voice is ignored, so to have this issue taken seriously and to have real change actually occur that will benefit us is fantastic.

On a different track, I also had my little (she’s taller than I am, but 10 years younger, so she will forever be “little” 😉 ) sister and my mother come and visit me for the Victoria Day Weekend (or as it’s called here, May 2-4) which was just the best.  You never really notice how much you miss your family until you’re with them again, and given how alone I’d suddenly found myself, having them there was just even better.  We got up to some of the touristy stuff on the two great sunny days we had – up Signal Hill, out to Cape Spear, Petty Harbour and then Iceberg chasing in Torbay where we got super close to this huge iceberg 🙂

IMG_4536This picture doesn’t really do it justice – it was massive!

But mostly, having my family there was great because of the little things.  Kicking my sister’s butt in Mario Kart and getting to eat mom’s home cooking, sharing my Europe travel pics with them and having a birthday party to make up for the fact that my birthday was 2 days before the last exam.

Oh yeah, had a birthday in my time of not posting as well. 25 years old (and still can’t cook 😉 )

But yeah, it was just nice to have them around.  Hugs from people that you love are sometimes better medicine than anything I’m learning at school.  For my birthday, amongst other things, my mother cleaned my room (in the way only mom’s can) and it’s the best gift she could have given me.  An ordered, clean room is the first step I think to having an ordered, clean head, and I’m going to try my damnedest to keep it looking like this for as long as I can. It’s so much more relaxing in my room now, and a clean, safe space like this is just what I needed.  I also got a Nutribullet blender from my mom for my birthday, and so I’ve decided to get on a smoothie kick, which I’ve kept up for a whopping two days so far! 😉 But honestly, they’re a great way to get a little more nutrients into my sadly lacking diet, and I’m really enjoying them so far.  The Nutribullet has basically no cleaning required, which is perfect for me and making them in the morning rush to the bus, so another great purchase by mom 🙂

Mostly, I guess I can say that right now I’m an optimistic work in progress.  I’m still tired a lot (though I’ve started napping, with some success) and my IBS still pains me a lot, but at least now I’m working on it.  I’ll find out the results of my blood work Monday and see if there are any answers there, and I’m trying to make more plans and be more active.  I’m getting my hair done tomorrow and a movie, and going to a birthday/we passed dinner on Saturday with a friend, things I probably wouldn’t have done in my low points.  My mother asked me this weekend if the “blush” of med school had worn off, and I could only answer “hell yes.” But that doesn’t mean I still don’t enjoy it – I love shadowing and Obstetrics lectures and trying to plan my next rural visit so I can go to the same site as my friends.  I still love medicine, and am still entirely committed to be a doctor.  Now, I’m just finally aware of the fact that getting through med school is in fact just as hard as getting in, and that this is a great journey that I’m on, but also an uphill one.

I guess it’s truly like the old saying goes; if it was easy, everyone would be doing it! 😉

2 thoughts on “I’m alive!!!

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