On the subject of ‘realness’
So, I’m not a big fan of getting my hopes up. I think I mentioned that once before, and it’s still true. Hope, if it turns out to be false, can be crushing. So, to minimize this, I’ve learned to adopt a certain attitude about things.
It’s not real until it’s happening.
Sure, I still have a healthy sense of anticipation, but for the most part, I don’t let myself believe in things are ‘real’ until they are actually happening, and getting into medical school was the same. Once I got the call, it wasn’t real until I got the letter confirming it. Then it wasn’t real until I got the package. Then it wasn’t real until I was on the plane.
You get the picture.
Mostly, what this does is let me enjoy the positive emotions associated with a thing, without having to deal with any of the negative emotions – the worries, the fears, the sense of insecurity – that can come with something being ‘real.’
Today was the first day of orientation.
It’s gotten quite ‘real.’
Suddenly, after a summer of anticipation, I find myself standing in the lobby of the medical school building with 79 other students, waiting in a line to turn in our white coats and making inane chatter like, “so where are you from?” and “what did you do for undergrad?”
And somehow, that really helped.
We were all not exactly sure of our place, all a little lost and nervous and unsure, but we muddled through, and managed to have some laughs listening to the speakers and taking the tour of the hospital and new building we’ll be spending 2-4 years in. It’s still a week until class ‘really’ begins, and as is my nature, I’m looking forward to that perhaps more than I should (I thrive in having a routine or a purpose – organized fun has never really been my thing) but I’m going to make an effort to take this week and get to know these people who are going to be going on this adventure with me. I’ve heard so much about the ‘med family’ and I’d like to be able to call this one my own. It’s going to be a lot of work, these upcoming years, and I’ll take all the support I can get, but I know we can all do this.
We’re all up for the ‘realness’ of this.